What is more important, winning or the war itself?

Now a days, I see my ideas conflicting with my basics. Being a traveler, I have always preferred the journey over the destination. I have never been too much of a subscriber of the target driven thoughts and ways of life. I have always believed that life, and each of its phases, is a part of a journey, and there is no real destination, no real targets. Each target, each point we cross is just a milestone. One after an other, every mile, there is a rock that says, destination – couples of miles away. I hardly remember seeing a milestone saying – Guy – You have arrived. And even if there were some, that said similarly, my feet never let my mind trust them. I always felt there was more to the journey, than to a destination.

Now a days, I see my mind getting into a constant conflict with itself. I am walking on a way that has no milestones painted. Guess it is an uncharted path, in the realms of the dark side of an enlightened mind. I am into a never-before jungle, with no paths defined, no markers, no guidemaps, and ofcourse, no signs of a destination. This makes me uneasy, and a new desire, to actually seek a destination is cropping up inside me. I see my views shuffling themselves fast. I feel like using my learnings to make a map, and chart a course to an unknown destination.
I see myself taking out my mental samurai, and fighting the dark branches of trees and make a way. I see ghosts of the unknown sorts trying to scare me of getting into any direction. The loss of the path is increasing my urge to seek a destination. Surprisingly, I do not want this destination to be a resting dormitory. Something in me tells that I can sleep there till I wake to the ultimate nothingness.

The war with the unknown truths of my mind and making me seek a win. I am surprised at my own views, constantly changing. Selfishly moving the samurai, I try to find a way, only to realize that the blades are cutting and bleeding the bonds I had made for my strength, all along in past few journeys.

Thinking of the ultimate win, I stand alone, holding my samurai, stained with blood, on the remains of my journeys. I can visualize the truth of winning a war, when I do get the great nothingness, but no sleep. In the process, I seem to have wounded my soul too. Or did I ever have a soul? I search my body, inside out, all pockets, all parts, mind, heart, everywhere, no soul.

No soul – Only Win. - Is it the destination I wish to chart? Guess Not.

But now, I have no way. No path, and no destination any more. The desire to win has also given away.

All I can do is dig a grave, and sit besides it, waiting for another storm, to wade me into it.
Or maybe I want to wake up and start walking again? I don't feel I have the stamina.
Maybe for losers, it is neither the war, not the winning that is important. It is just being a loser that one has to settle for.

Cause winning has a price, and and I am going broke.

A loser
A walker.
A lose walker.
A walking loser.
Whatever.