Vaccum Mornings

The mornings no longer start with a good feeling.

The eyelids just do not raise themselves, down with the weight of the day to come. Life seems to be a losing proposition now a days. Everyday, so much of wastage of precious time, has become a routine. Things that used to excite me most are getting uninteresting now a days. Work is nothing more than an unfulfilled duty, which I just do not feel like doing. The charm in work is missing. The charm in other things is reducing too.

Sometimes I sit and watch myself. Where the hell I am heading to? A big fat stone rolling downhill. At the end of each day, there are hardly any achievements, any satisfaction. On the forefront, things seem normal, but down and inside me, the restlessness has given way to the begin of the great fall.

Putting an end to the journey and killing myself is not the answer to my internal woes, but it has started coming up as an option sometimes. Seems that I cannot take the load of so much of nothingness in me anymore. So much of hollowness inside me is making me afraid of myself. I talk normally to everyone, listen to them, work, eat, and even play; but somewhere, I know I am not heading into a direction that was meant for me. Worse, my responsibilities, that I had considered the biggest work I had to complete, does not stop me from thinking of an end. I do not know what is the solution.

I cant seem to pull myself up and get back to life.

But I promise I will give myself some more try, before I decide to fail and fall.

What a good way to start my day, with a thought of an end so near!

Guess I have to force myself to get into better thoughts and get to work and other things take over, so that these thoughts do not take over me completely.

If nothing helps, I must get up and help myself. At least, I can give myself one more try.

Getting up for a bath, and then over to office again...