pigeonhole existence

This morning, I feel my feet are cemented in my eternal living grave and my hands are stretching towards the sky. I want to break free. I know this is impossible. The only way I can fly is to chop my my limbs.

I feel too timid to cut of that piece of my flesh and blood which has a part of my soul in it, from my body. But I just cannot live the way I am living now. It is getting too dark everyday.
Its not that I don't have a sky to fly. It is that my life is so bloated with my fixedness that has been a part of my identity since ages. I have lived in a cave world, and I shall continue to do so, till my feet get freed. I am afraid, by then, it will be too late and I will have no sky left for me to fly. I don't know if my sky will wait for me. Guess... only time has the answer.
Depression is building up and so is my migraine. I have always said that everything is a phase and shall pass away, but I guess this phase I am into, will pass away only with my life. Another few decades to live this way. Once the birds will have wings, learn to fly, and shall fly off, I might too.

The day has started in a rotten way, and I don't know how the rest of it will go. In a few hours, I shall try to live a little more again, pumping fuel in me to work through my day. And then return to my pigeonhole existence. Just like a pigeon who closes the eyes believing that no one will see him.

ROFL

may i live as long as .....

Was looking thru the pages on the net, looking for some old ghazals, and saw this one... by qatil shifai. Each couplet is said in such simple words, that it just seeps inside, making the feeling come out easily..


वो दिल ही क्या तेरे मिलने कि जो दुआ ना करे,
मैं तुझको भूल के जिंदा रहूँ, खुदा ना करे।

May sound a little exxagerrated, but the next couplet balances it out..

यह ठीक है नही मरता कोई जुदाई मैं ,
खुदा kisi को मगर किसी से जुदा ना करे

May no one ever get this separation, ever.
but i dont know will my life will be faithful enough ??

रहे गा प्यार तेरे साथ जिन्दगी बन के
ये ओर बात है मेरी जिन्दगी वफ़ा ना करे


May I live as long as the one .....

Desperation of circumstantial handcuffs

दम घुटा जाता है सीने में फिर भी ज़िंदा है
तुम से क्या हम तो ज़िन्दगी से भी शर्मिंदा हें

Life is getting too suffocating these days.

There are times when anxiety breaks me down , and then there are times when my inabilities devastate me.

कभी बेकसी ने मारा,
कभी बेबसी ने मारा,
गिला मौत से नहीं है,
मुझे जिन्दगी ने मारा।

Everthing seems so normal, so nice, so good, yet, where is my peace, my smile, my happiness.

Muqaddar pe kuch zor chalta nahin
Voh mausam hai yeh jo badalta nahin

जब गम -ए-इश्क सताता है तो हस ले ता हूँ,

Thats all one can do, I guess.

Smile over the pangs of distance, laugh over the boundries, and mock over my own limitations.

Red Riding Hood with Casper

Sometimes, a thought can be transformed into a visual that says just the right thing

nothing more.. nothing less.